Friday, November 15, 2013

Seeming To Do Is Not Doing

I have read/seen/heard a lot of stuff lately on the Facebooks, on the blogs, and in conversations about people being busy.  I remember hearing about a blog post or article that called people out on this several months ago.  I believe the general idea was that your busyness is not more important than other peoples. I honestly didn't read it myself, I was probably just too busy (ba-dum, ching!).  Either way, If you don't want to hear about that again, you can go ahead and stop reading this.

In a talk called, "Of Regrets and Resolutions" at the October 2012 LDS General Conference, Dieter F. Uchtdorf said the following:
"Isn’t it true that we often get so busy? And, sad to say, we even wear our busyness as a badge of honor, as though being busy, by itself, was an accomplishment or sign of a superior life. Is it?

I have been guilty of this.  I feel pretty confident saying most everyone has been at some point.  I will say though, that as I have become more aware of it around me in the last several months, it has made me more determined to not be that person. So, I guess the people that I'm about to call out have done a service by not doing a service... Well played, you.  

Before I inevitably offend someone, I should admit one of my many (many) flaws. You know, level the playing field a bit.  I don't accept help easily.  It's really just a sub-flaw of being super stubborn, which I totally am.  I was forced to change this about myself when Lila got sick.  I had to accept help--a lot of it.  And though I did get better, it's still a real struggle and honestly pretty prideful, I know.  I KNOW. I'm not proud of my pride.  

Here's the thing though, when you offer help/assistance/service to an individual and they accept that offering,  it's then your responsibility to follow through.  Because when you don't, you give people every justification to not want to accept help. Particularly yours.

Don't misunderstand.  I know stuff happens and plans change and things that are beyond our control force us in new directions.  I get it.  I'm not talking about that stuff.  I'm talking about the people who offer a service and consistently cancel because they "just got too busy" or "something else came up". Do you mind if I tell you how that's received?  'Cause I'm gonna: You are essentially saying that the one you offered to serve was not a priority and something better has come along to occupy that time for you.  It doesn't matter if that's the actual truth of the situation or not, because if that's what the person perceives of you, it's their truth.  You have made them feel unimportant.

And while we're on the subject, constantly talking about your busyness and how you're swamped and bombarded and being pulled this way and that and it's so hard and exhausting and difficult and then following it up with, "Hey, but can I do anything for you?" does NOT make me want to accept help from you. Ever. Yeah, please let me be another burden for you to complain about.  I'd be honored. 

So, to potentially echo the words I was too busy to read: We're all busy.  We all have stuff.  Your busy is not harder or more important or more stressful than anyone else's.  It's different, that's all.  Don't delude yourself into thinking otherwise.  The key to dealing with it is simply time management and prioritizing and knowing what you can take on and handle.  Know your limits and don't use people as an experiment to expand those limits.  And for the love, buy a planner.  

"Never be so busy as not to think of others." - Mother Teresa

1 comment:

Brittany Krallis Stapf said...

"Don't offer me your fake help!"