Sunday, November 30, 2014

Wonderwall

So, it's been a while. I don't know what to do with this thing anymore if I'm being honest. I've considered deleting it. But I don't want to do that because it started as a journal of my experience with Lila and I can't erase that. I've thought about really diving in and becoming an actual "blogger", but it's too much of a commitment and I'm not that interesting. And since we're in the spirit of being honest here, most bloggers aren't that interesting.

So, blog and I are at a bit of a crossroads. 

Probably what's going to happen is exactly this. I'll forget about blog for a while and then I'll remember blog and write for a while until I forget again. 

The goings on: I start school in January. I've been sitting on the idea of becoming an RN for about 4 years. I put it off because it never seemed like a good time. Whatever that means. It turns out no time is a good time when you have kids, so here goes. I have a few prerequisites to take. Mostly sciences because, if you can believe it, Theatre majors don't need a lot of sciences. It'll be kind of a slow process--one or two classes at a time and becoming a CNA before I can apply to the actual nursing program. The program itself is 5 semesters. It all feels a bit overwhelming, but I've been a student before. I imagine it's like riding a bike... Except with half a brain. 

I'm already starting to feel a little isolated. I'm also probably definitely doing it to myself. There are about three people that I actually talk to on a regular basis. They've been really helpful as I've yammered on and on about whether or not I should do this. The only other thing I'm willing to talk about these days is Serial. If you haven't listened to it, do it. It's fascinating. So yeah, I'm definitely doing it to myself. 

I haven't been sleeping well. Which sucks. I love to sleep. I'll think about my worries and things I have to get done, but then I'll run out of that stuff. It doesn't matter though, the brain won't shut off. It starts to reminisce. Relive experiences. Create experiences that didn't actually happen. Say things I've always wanted to say, but didn't have the chance. Sometimes it's stupid stuff, like the lady that yelled at me in the McDonald's drive thru for cutting her off when I didn't actually cut her off. I still have a ton of things left to tell her. See? It's a real problem. But I do actually have more important conversations in my head as well. I've had some really transformative relationships in my life and many of them continue on, but others haven't exactly lasted. Still, it's been interesting to think about the different ways that their importance hasn't diminished. Memories made. Lessons learned.  Those are the conversations I'd really like to have. And then maybe, if all goes well, we could talk about Serial. 




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