Enlarged to Show Detail

Stuff...

2012-01-14T13:47:00.002-05:00

Annie Doesn't Like
Movie talkers

Licorice

Pepsi

Jazz

Over-reactors

Ann Coulter

Long lines when there are plenty of employees and one open register

Motorcycles
LOL

The Post Office

Hoarding

Kody from Sister Wives

Sand

Annie Does Like
Dr Pepper
Cardigans
The Daily Show
Tupperware
Candy
Louis C.K.
Awards Shows
Bad Lip-Reading
Over-Sharers
My bed
Irony
A good conversation
Lemurs

Expensive Holiday Portraits

2011-12-15T12:37:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, we took a trip to Duke

It was time for Lila's semi-annual MRI.

Before we left the house that morning, Lila asked why we were going to the hospital.

She was nervous and upset and not interested in going.

I told her we needed to go to take pictures of her brain.

She didn't say anything.

20 minutes later we are in the car and I hear a tiny voice from the back,

"My brain is inside my body. You can't take a picture of it."

Busted.

I had to explain that only the hospital has a camera cool enough to take pictures of the inside of your body.

She seemed satisfied.

And I am satisfied too.

Brain looks good

AND

we don't have to go back until next December.

Bonus.

(Dr. G asked me if I was comfortable with waiting a year. I asked him the same question in return. He says, "Look, there's no science behind it..." What? Awesome. Best medical response ever.)

I considered asking if I could get a copy of her scans.

I think they would make a charming Christmas card.

Remissionversary

2011-12-04T15:40:00.001-05:00

Three years.

It simultaneously feels like another lifetime and yesterday.
If that's even possible.
Whenever I think about that time in our lives,
I usually allow myself a minute or two
for sadness
anger
self pity.
After that I move straight to
gratitude.

It's your "special day", Lila Jane.
Enjoy it.

Long Island Halloween

2011-11-03T15:41:00.000-04:00

This year we hopped in the minivan and drove 12 hours to New York for Halloween.

It was one of my better decisions

for a few reasons:

The Colliers

Valerie, James, and Edie

Coke Freestyle

Sergios Pizza in Riverhead

The Hamptons

-Giant puddles in The Hamptons

-Forrest Gumping The Hamptons

Madewell

Trick or Treating in Northport

Northport is charming and perfect.

Ever since I left I have been trying to come up with reasons to go back.

We had so much fun and the cousins were so happy to be together again.

Highlights of our Trick or Treating adventures:

Harry

Dora

Chicken

Chicken run

Persistence

Expelliarmus

Hoodlums

If I Had It My Way

2011-10-18T12:06:00.001-04:00

Sometimes I get on Craigslist and pretend I have an unlimited budget for a NYC apartment. It's fun and depressing if that's possible. Sometimes I get on Realtor.com and look for houses that I can't afford, both in the place I live and elsewhere.Ben and I have been married for 8 years and we've moved 9 times. Only 3 different cities, but 9 locations. It's kind of ridiculous, but I kind of don't mind. Maybe it's because I moved a lot growing up that I can't stay in one place without getting antsy after awhile.Either way, I'm feeling the itch and here's a few places I'd like to go:

Zurich, Switzerland. Chances: slim to none, but it's like the third best place to live in the world.

Vancouver, BC. I never thought I would ever want to live in Canada, but I love this place.

Austin, TX. This is the only place in Texas I would consider living.

Seattle, WA. I lived in Washington for a summer during college. It's one of the most beautiful and laid back places I've ever been.

Pretty much anywhere in New England. If it has roads that look like this, I want to go to there.

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.
- C. S. Lewis

Ragnar 2011

2011-10-12T21:33:00.005-04:00

The Fashionable Ladies Club finished Ragnar a couple of weeks ago.

It was our second year doing D.C.

You can find a recap of the first here.

It was obviously similar, but different.

Deep, right?

We blogged along the way this time.

You can check that out here.

You know, if you want.

Also,

Ben made a pretty awesome video.

It, too, is on the blog.

But I'll put it here if you're lazy.

I'm not judging.

Ragnar DC 2011 - Fashionable Ladies Club from Ben Howington on Vimeo.

Next year, we've decided to Ragnar somewhere else.

Suggestions welcome.

For Valerie

2011-09-27T15:23:00.011-04:00

I know this girl.

She's about 5'5''.

Black hair.

Wears jeans sometimes...

(a description that her husband, James would give to the police in the event of her disappearance)

None of those things are actually true.

Except for the jeans--that's pretty accurate.

I'll tell you what is spot on about this girl:

She's smart.

She's funny.

She has no problem telling you if you're wrong

and let's get real, you probably are.

She loves The Olympics.

She's generous and gives the most thoughtful gifts.

She's an excellent hostess.

She makes amazing food.

She remembers tiny details about you

and it makes you feel really special.

She's kind.

She is genuinely interested in people and what they have to say.

She knows more about Harry Potter than you do.

She's strong

physically and mentally.

She's gracious.

She's got really cute feet.

She loves books.

She's a modern-day Jessica Fletcher.

She's beautiful.

And she's my best friend.

Happy Birthday.

More From Myrtle Beach

2011-09-26T18:11:00.003-04:00

Our last night in Myrtle Beach, we took a trip to the Boardwalk.

They have a giant ferris wheel called the Skyline.

We decided to take a ride.

It was a perfect night for ferris wheeling.

It took some convincing for Lila to join us.

But once she committed,

she was in it all the way.

(but that's mostly because she was bribed)

Myrtle Beach 2011

2011-09-16T20:08:00.009-04:00

Truth be told, we only spent one day at the beach.

For like, maybe 30 minutes.

The sea was angry that day.

And there was no bathroom.

And my kids don't pee in the water

(not because I taught them that. I was all for them using the ocean as their toilet.)

Jack enjoyed himself even if he didn't get to Boogie Board.

He took one for the team that day,

But made up for it by making us play no less than 3 rounds of miniature golf during the course of the week.

Lila has a healthy fear of the ocean.

If healthy is straight up freaking out when a wave violates her restraining order of at least 15 feet.

I think this was after a rogue wave came and soaked EVERYTHING.

Have I mentioned that I hate sand?

And salt water?

But, I always seem to think the beach is a good idea.

This one just does her own thing.

She has no fear

Which worries me.

She also does not have the same feelings about sand that I do.

In fact, I think she ate some.

Alice and Poppa make an excellent wave frolicking duo.

Like I said, we left shortly after we arrived.

We hit up the hotel pool instead.

Some might say it was a bust.

Not me.

Ombre

2011-08-27T17:00:00.002-04:00

Come On, Irene

2011-08-27T16:46:00.003-04:00

roughly 11 a.m.

roughly 5 p.m.

I'm disappointed.

NYC is for Big Kids

2011-08-15T10:55:00.009-04:00

Took a little road trip this weekend

with two of my favorite people

Kimmy and Jack.

I was going for a specific reason*, but I thought it would be an ideal situation for Jack to come along. He is tracked out of school and wouldn't take up too much space in my car.

Also, I just felt like it was time for Jack to go back to the city.

Back to riding the trains

(which, not surprisingly, was his favorite part).

Back to eating some of the best burgers in the world.

He needed to know that McDonalds is NOT in this category. I think he got the message.

Back to Coney Island

And, of course eating a Nathan's hot dog at Coney Island. Which did happen eventually.

More importantly, back to hanging out with his very first bestie.

And in true bestie form, they picked up right where they left off. Like those three years of separation never happened.

And yeah, I know, they look A LOT alike. Total coincidence, I swear.

I SWEAR.

But most importantly, I got to spend some time with Jack.

Just Jack.

And it was priceless.

*that reason is a whole other post.

The Order

2011-07-19T14:47:00.004-04:00

I love anticipating an event.

Sometimes the anticipation is better than the event itself.

Sometimes.

This time, the anticipation made the event that much better.

These shirts were well received. You know, FYI.

For this event, I feared sadness.

And while there was a great deal of sadness

there was also quite a bit of joy.

Those little ones don't look particularly joyful, but trust me, there was joy.

These two posed for a LOT of pictures by complete strangers.

They stopped counting after twenty.

I mean, c'mon, how can you be sad sitting next to this guy?

Potterville

2011-07-14T12:25:00.005-04:00

I bought a shirt a while ago.

It was the perfect combination of my midnight movie viewing obsessions.

I was all geared up to wear it tonight.

But then Ben came up with this gem

and I couldn't turn it down.

I'll save the other one for November 2011.

There is no "we" in summer. Only "u" and "me".

2011-07-11T11:09:00.005-04:00

With year-round school, summer comes to a close in July.

So, we ended things right

with a visit from Sarah and Bella.

And some beach fun.

These two could have boogie-boarded all day.

This one was content on the shore.

We got to play hard for a few days.

But now, it's back to the grind.

Which has its perks.

"I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address. On the other hand, this not knowing has its charms."

Banksy

2011-07-03T19:55:00.003-04:00

"The human race is an unfair and stupid competition. A lot of the runners don't even get decent sneakers or clean drinking water. Some people are born with a massive head start, every possible help along the way and still the referees seem to be on their side. It's not surprising some people have given up competing altogether and gone to sit in the grandstand, eat junk food and shout abuse. What we need in this race is a lot more streakers."

This Guy...

2011-06-29T14:19:00.002-04:00

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Oh, for Fox Sake - Stewart Eviscerates Stewart

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show Full Episodes

Political Humor & Satire Blog

The Daily Show on Facebook

makes me happy when nothing else can.

Ugh

2011-06-21T20:57:00.000-04:00

That's it.

Thirty

2011-06-15T17:03:00.006-04:00

I went out to lunch last Thursday.

It was a little surprise from my sisters-in-law, mother-in-law, and cousin-in-law.

Within that little surprise,

there was a big surprise.

Ben sent an envelope for me to open.

So I did.

Inside was my flight information for the following morning.

I was going to Brooklyn for my birthday.

Total surprise.

Apparently I had a conversation that involved me wanting to be in NYC when I turned thirty.

My husband so graciously obliged.

So, the next morning at 6 a.m. I hopped a plane to JFK

You can find a most excellent summary of my adventure

here

Best. Birthday. Ever.

Secrets, Secrets Are A Little Fun

2011-06-02T16:26:00.008-04:00

I am working on a project.

For a friend.

Well, it's not for her exactly.

It's really for someone that she is growing.

I was going to do something else.

But for reasons I don't want to talk about,

that is not happening anymore.

Instead of being bummed about it,

which I am.

Really bummed.

I am getting excited about this one.

It involves sewing again.

Can you even believe it?

I sometimes enjoy being purposefully vague.

Don't you?

Six Six Six

2011-05-21T22:20:00.004-04:00

Two things were supposed to happen today:

Jack's birthday party and the Rapture.

One of them actually did.

I had considered laying a bunch of children's outfits out all over the park and telling Jack that the kids invited to his party were all taken up to heaven.

I decided against it.

Mostly because I felt like it was a lot of work and the joke would have been lost on him anyway.

Instead, we had a monster truck party.

It was awesome.

It involved a monster truck cake.

Please note that I did not make this cake.

And yeah, I realize that if you really know me, this note isn't necessary.

Jack had a great time turning 6.

I had a great time being there.

This picture has nothing to do with the party.

Just a PSA about not letting your children walk out the back door and fall down some stairs onto a cement floor.

You're welcome.

Untitled

2011-05-20T11:16:00.005-04:00

Here are me and Lila approaching the finish line at the 2011 Angels Among Us 5k.

They raised 1.8 million dollars for brain tumor research.

Not too shabby.

My thoughts are kind of all over the place today.

Mostly with a friend that I greatly admire.

But because of that, I am especially thoughtful and thankful for the series of incredible miracles that kept the little lady in the above photo with us.

We are really good at finding ways to celebrate this.

(i.e. transplantiversaries and remissionversaries)

But the amount of time that I really let myself reflect on everything that happened to allow us those celebrations is not as much as maybe it should be.

So, I guess that's what I am doing today.

Does the brain have enough room to grieve and celebrate at the same time?

I think it does.

Celebrate Good Times... C'mon

2011-05-05T12:45:00.005-04:00

I like to celebrate birth certificates and terrorist take-downs by making jam.

So clearly, this will be my first time.

I took the kids to the strawberry patch this morning,

Had them do some hard labor,

And we came home with these beauties.

I may have eaten a few already.

I may have even eaten them directly out of the bucket after my kids picked them.

So, I'm pretty sure all you need are these,

Then throw in a little of this...

And a crap load of sugar...

And then store the finished product in these guys.

I'll tell you right now, jam, you won't be in those containers for long.

Definitely not 10 years.

Pillow Talk

2011-04-26T20:01:00.006-04:00

I'm here to talk.

About pillows.

I've been making some lately.

It all started when I found a handkerchief of an old map of NYC.

My sister-in-law, Lori said it would make a cute pillow.

I agreed.

I used a red Kona cotton for the back side of this one.

It's found a home on my Ikea chair.

For a first attempt, I'm pleased.

My second attempt was outdoor pillows for a bench we bought from the flea market.

Ben restored it a couple of weeks ago.

Lori (again) convinced me that this fabric would look great with the green bench.

I agreed.

The cream one is a textured fabric.

It can't be ironed or the texture will flatten out and lose its... well, texture.

Learned that the hard way.

I should have gotten more pictures of the bench.

It's awesome.

Ben did a great job.

I am wondering if I should make a fourth or just leave that kid out there to equal it out.

Homework for No One (or I wrote this essay and didn't know what else to do with it)

2011-04-18T12:38:00.003-04:00

Why I Shamelessly Saw Twilight in the Theater 10 Times

I have never really felt the need to justify this information to anyone. In fact, I probably never would have, had it not come up the last time my best friend, Valerie was in town.

We were cruising around town in my minivan (probably eating tacos), talking about the Twilight series, which by the way is not a remotely unusual conversation. I was lamenting the fact that I had not lived up to my goal of seeing all The Twilight Saga films as much as I had seen the first one (I believe New Moon and Eclipse are tied at 6 theater viewings each). We were laughing at the absurdity of it all, particularly that the last time I saw Twilight in the theater I went alone. At that point, the movie was getting pretty boring seeing as how I not only knew the plot, I had the dialogue mostly memorized and was unintentionally using it in daily conversation.

It was at this point that Valerie asked me what my motivation was for seeing this movie so many times. Was it Robert Pattinson’s brooding stare? Was it the amazing acting? The stellar hair and makeup? Was it an actual desire? It was a valid question considering none of these could logically be the reason.

To be honest, I’m not exactly sure if I realized the reason at that moment or I just finally knew how to articulate it, but I did know I had an overwhelming feeling to just open my mouth and say it.

The answer wasn't so much that I was obsessed with this movie; it was more that this movie was an escape from my otherwise horrendous reality. I had a daughter with cancer. At this point, she had been through two brain surgeries and multiple rounds of chemo along with grueling physical and occupational therapy. We had spent numerous weeks at the hospital. Three of those weeks involved waiting for her to recover from her first brain surgery in which they removed a golf ball sized tumor from her brain.

In those first few weeks, I never left the hospital. The days were spent either sitting in the NICU waiting room or at her bedside. I knew I should be in with her as much as possible, but I had a hard time looking at my daughter with a breathing tube down her throat, a drain coming out of the top of her head and various wires attached to her little body. She was doped up from sedative and swollen from steroids. The first couple of nights we slept on a waiting room floor. When she finally got to leave the NICU, we hit the jackpot--Ben and I got to share a twin bed in her “step-down” room.

It was during this time that we received her diagnosis of a malignant brain tumor. We had a three month old with brain cancer. She was to start chemotherapy as soon as she had recovered from surgery. After the doctors cleared her to go home, we got to leave the hospital for 3 whole days before she had to be back to start the chemo. We also had to learn how to insert a feeding tube into her tiny little nostril and shove it all the way down into her tiny little stomach before we were allowed to leave. The thing about the feeding tube is that hesitation is your enemy. You just have to shove that thing in until you meet resistance. We had a hard time with that at first, but then the next thing you know we are giving her nightly injections and drawing blood from her central line every morning. It was kind of a slippery slope.

Chemo was a once a month occurrence for 6 months. It consisted of three days in the hospital followed by twice a week trips to the clinic for labs. For the most part, the hospital stays went like this: I took the day shift while Ben worked, and he took the night shift while I attempted to be a parent to our 3-year-old son. When we came home from the hospital, my day revolved around a schedule of tube feedings and medication. I had a complicated relationship with the clock. I have never hated and relied upon something so much in my life. Feedings every two hours around the clock, at least 5 different medications at all times of the day, doctors appointments, physical and occupational therapy appointments along with my son’s preschool and other activities. After all that, it was back to the hospital. This time, a month long hospital stay for a stem-cell transplant. We mostly kept the same schedule: I did the day shift and Ben did nights. We would go days where a high five and a hand off of the car keys in front of the hospital was our only interaction.

During all this, a little movie came out (November 21, 2008 to be exact). The film adaptation of a novel I read. I knew when I had some free time, I would go and lucky for me, my free time coincided with the midnight premiere. I really wanted to see this movie, so I went with my equally excited sisters-in-law. The theater was packed with giggling teenage girls. The air was filled with a mix of anticipation and raging hormones. The lights went dim and the squeals began. When Edward appeared on the screen for the first time, the screams were deafening. I took it all in and I loved every second. The next chance I got, I went back to the theater.

Don’t assume that I don’t know Twilight is ridiculous. The acting is terrible and overindulgent. The make-up and hair were frighteningly bad and inconsistent. To analyze the books would be a huge waste of time--they are that poorly written. But guess what? I love them. I've read the books multiple times. I can't get enough of the movies. I love that I was able to go to the theater and escape for 2 hours. I was transported to a place where I didn't have to worry about giving my child an injection at 3 a.m. or cleaning up the inevitable vomit at least twice during the night or contemplating the irony that all the poison coursing through her veins was supposed to heal her. Getting sucked into the world of sparkly teenage vampires and forbidden love seemed like a much better solution to my problems. So that's what I chose. 10 times.

What I Did

2011-04-06T15:10:00.002-04:00

Ate a bunch of pasta.

Ran 13.1 miles

Ate a Vietnamese sandwich.

Hobbled around.

Listened to the good word.

Ate a bunch of taco salad.

Visited the set of a t.v. show.

Hobbled around.

Ate a bunch of Thai.

Shopped.

Ate a bunch of fries.

Went to the Tenement Museum.

Ate a bunch of donuts.

I try to have a theme when I go somewhere.

Brooklyn Bound

2011-03-29T13:17:00.002-04:00

I'm leaving for Brooklyn on Friday with two of my sisters-in-law.

Two of us are running a half marathon in Queens on Saturday.

It's going to be a rain/snow mix and 41 degrees that day.

I'm considering "over sleeping".

Hopefully the rest of the trip will make up for the misery of those 2-3 hours.

I'm not too worried.

I mean, we're having donuts.

And I get to spend all sorts of time with her.

An Ode

2011-03-07T22:01:00.005-05:00

This is my father.

My kids call him Poppa.

He never wears cowboy hats.

It's one of the many reasons why I love this picture.

He's top notch.

Smart.

Strong.

Funny, but not in a "hey, look how funny I am" sort of way.

Subtly, cleverly funny.

The best kind.

Empathetic.

He always seems genuinely interested in what I am saying or doing.

Perhaps sometimes he really isn't, but it doesn't matter because I have never felt that way.

And isn't that the point?

He's quiet.

He is currently undergoing chemotherapy for Lymphoma.

And like everything else, he's dealing with it quietly.

Nobly.

He also seems to be winning

But not in a Charlie Sheen way.

Classy. Not crazy.

He's my dad.

And I love him.

As of Late

2011-02-14T20:21:00.004-05:00

We went to the zoo last week during track out.

Jack found a rock and insisted I take his picture on it.

Really? Awesome.

He's a natural.

Give him a walking stick and a CamelBak, and you've got your next REI catalog cover.

Jack is back in school now, so it's just me and the ladies.

Today I took Lila to get a much needed trim.

I don't care how many people say she looks "so much like Ben".

That is me.

With Howington eyebrows.

And a Howington-shaped face.

Alice is just... well, hanging out.

She really enjoys spending time like this every now and then.

Whatever.

I am training for a half-marathon in NYC at the beginning of April.

It's going. That's it.

Honestly, I just want to hang out with her.

Three

2011-02-07T09:29:00.004-05:00

You're funny.

You're sassy.

You scream at a higher pitch than I thought humanly possible.

You're miraculous.

Happy birthday, Lila Jane Lollipop.

One

2011-02-06T09:49:00.004-05:00

Happy Birthday, Alice.

You are so sweet and smiley and funny.

You went from being the crabbiest baby to the happiest baby.

We like you around here.

Transplantiversary

2011-01-29T11:08:00.003-05:00

This post is a week late.

Whatever.

Last Sunday was 2 years post transplant.

Saturday, we went to Red Robin to celebrate.

Of course.

She's been pretty busy lately.

potty training.

riding her tricycle.

helping with chores.

making up songs.

being a pirate.

See? Pretty busy.

Also, pretty intimidating.

Everyone around here is gearing up for the Angels Among Us 5K in April.

Come join us.

"Talent works, genius creates"

2011-01-06T20:35:00.004-05:00

or what I did for the Howington Christmas Eve Talent Show 2010.

Christmas

2011-01-04T20:55:00.003-05:00

Isn't she pretty.

She will have a basket soon.

She also came with a trailer to haul two little ladies around town.

We're gonna be besties.

I can feel it.

A Tutorial

2011-01-02T21:11:00.006-05:00

Need an awesome gift idea?

Follow these simple steps*:

1. Go to a used book store and buy large hardcover book (political autobiographies are preferable, but any will do).

2. Take it home and start cutting.

Your living room should look something like this:

And the book should look something like this:

3. After cutting is complete, you stack a bunch of heavy crap on it for a while:

4. When the book is done, you fill it with awesome stuff like lighters, dollar store swiss army knives, etc...

5. The last and most important step: Make sure your brother-in-law takes the book in his carry-on luggage, so he gets stopped and harassed by the TSA for hiding things from the United States Government.

Congratulations. You have officially made the best gift EVER.

*for actual hollow book tutorial, go here.

I Want This

2010-12-11T23:15:00.004-05:00

Please.

You can get it here.

If you really love me, you'll do it.

Red Robin

2010-12-07T11:01:00.005-05:00

This Bear is named Red Robin. After the restaurant, Red Robin.

Because Lila wanted to celebrate 2 years of not growing tumors in her head with a nice bowl of Red Robin mac & cheese.

And the awesome people of the Wake Forest Red Robin thought it was pretty cool that she chose them for her celebratory lunch, so they bought her that bear.

I love Red Robin even more than I did before (which, was a lot).

Happy to be at Red Robin or Happy to be cancer free?

Hard to say.

Monday morning brought us back to Duke for a scheduled MRI.

We weren't happy about it. She can't eat, which makes her cranky and I don't eat because she can't eat, which makes me cranky.

Lucky for her, she got Ketamine, so all her cares were swept away in a delightful drug-induced euphoria.

Unfortunately, this is what happens afterward.

She was 50-50 for successfully getting the food into her mouth.

Dr. G says she looks great and he doesn't want to see her until the summer.

Sounds good to me.

Harry and the Potters*

2010-11-20T16:16:00.008-05:00

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I.

Fantastic.

I have been to the midnight showing of every one of these films.

I love them. Even the crappy first ones when the kids couldn't act and the directing was terrible and no artistic license was taken.

I love the movies but I love the books more.

I love the books because they helped me rediscover my love of reading.

After years and years of Cliffs Noting my way through assignments and reading nothing longer than a Rolling Stone article, I borrowed Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone from a friend and my world changed.

I have all of the books in American and British versions.

Each set has its own shelf.

Yeah, I own a quaffle.

I am not ashamed that I had flannel Harry Potter sheets on my bed at college. The only reason I don't have them anymore is because I got married and they didn't sell them in queen size at the Rexburg K-Mart.

I am not ashamed that I have a box full of Harry Potter awesomeness: figurines, markers, an HP blanket, and a lunch box among other things.

And to tell you the truth, I am not entirely convinced that the wizarding world is fictitious.

There is a school here in Raleigh called Ravenscroft and I know in my heart that it is a school for witchcraft and wizardry and not just a private school for rich kids.

There is a restaurant near my house called The Pipers Tavern which I have never been to partly because I think it is a pub for wizards only, not unlike The Leaky Cauldron.

When I pass by a building for lease or any old, rundown structure, I am pretty sure it's St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries.

Sometimes, I get a little disappointed that I am merely a muggle.

So, next time you're at my house and I offer you a beverage from one of my Harry Potter glasses, consider it the highest compliment.

* Harry and the Potters is a duo that sing songs about Harry Potter. Brilliant.

Halloween and a Haircut

2010-11-01T20:35:00.004-04:00

1 Playgroup

1 Party

2 Trunk or Treats

4 bags of candy

Equals a successful 3 day Halloween celebration.

Diego, Boots, and Dora respectively.

Alice was a trooper despite the fact that she got nothing out of wearing this ridiculous costume.

We're still eating candy like it's going out of style. But I am ready to move on to the next holiday of eating too much.

I did something today that I have been dreading for a long time.

That hard-earned mullet had to go.

And we are left with this:

A bob on a happy girl.

And when I say "I" did it, I mean I drove the car to the Great Clips and held on to a screaming toddler while someone else chopped her hair off.

Doughnut Burger

2010-10-20T13:10:00.006-04:00

The NC State Fair is a big deal for the Howingtons.
Last year was pretty much disastrous and we had to make up for it in a big way.
So, like in years past, we all gathered together and went on Grandpa's birthday.
My goal for the fair was, as always, to eat as much as humanly possible.
Here's a list of stuff we collectively ate:
Corn on the Cob
Fried Twinkies
Fried Ho-Hos
Fried Pickles
Elephant Ears
Cotton Candy
Lemonade
Hot Dogs
Corn Dogs
Fried Snickers
Caramel Apples
aaaaaaannnnnd...
The Krispy Kreme Burger
Which is exactly what it sounds like.
A cheeseburger with lettuce, tomato, etc... and the buns replaced by two glazed Krispy Kreme doughnuts.
It was totally worth of one bite. Not sure if anyone could have done more than that.
So, one burger between 12-15 people is pretty good.

When we weren't eating, we did some other things.

Jack and I rode some rides.

This was before the Tilt-a-Whirl. I wasn't as happy afterward.

We checked out the chickens.

Lila loooooved them.

And some of us were just along for the ride.

Until next year...

Weekend, Weekend

2010-10-13T09:31:00.004-04:00

I'm home from Brooklyn.
It was everything I hoped it would be.
I did, in fact, do a lot of things that I have never done before.
Just as I had planned.
Saturday we went Upstate to Newburgh for some apple picking.

I learned that I am terrible at using the pole to pick apples.
There were quite a few casualties--apples, not people. I'm not that bad.
But we still walked away with two giant bags of apples, so it was a win.

We also had the delightful opportunity for this.
If you don't know the reference, we're not friends.

We spent all Sunday afternoon in Prospect Park. Picnicing and being with friends. It was probably my favorite day and I got no pictures. Boo.

We walked the Brooklyn Bridge, which I had never done.
I got hit by a bicycler.
It was awesome.
It did not take long for me to remember how to be a New Yorker.
Let's just say there were some words exchanged.

Not bad for an iPhone picture.

Most importantly, I got to see these people.
Some of my best friends in this world.
As good as family.
And see the little guy? He's gonna be, because he's marrying one of my girls.
Whether he likes it or not.

Dear Brooklyn

2010-10-06T20:05:00.004-04:00

We're gonna have so much fun together, you and I.
Just like old times.
Except this time, I am doing things I have never done before.
New bodegas.
Different location of the dessert truck
J train, I'm looking at you.
It's going to be pure madness.

See you Friday.
Love,
Me

We're Kind of a Big Deal

2010-09-27T13:05:00.004-04:00

Ragnar Relay
12 People. 2 Minivans.
197 Miles
Start: 6:30 a.m. on September 24th in Cumberland, MD
End: around 4 p.m. on September 25th at National Harbor in D.C.
Each person ran 3 legs varying in length and difficulty.

I was in van 2, runner 8. Which means I ran my first leg (5.6 miles) in the heat of the day (97 degrees) up a mountainside. Have you ever run uphill and finally see, in the distance, the top of the mountain? You feel such relief as you reach the peak, about to cruise downhill. Except, when you get there, you see that it's just a hairpin turn and what lies in front of you is not a glorious downhill slope, but more mountain as far as the eye can see. If you haven't, let me tell you it's devastating. If I had not sweat away any trace of fluid in my body, I would have cried. It was bad.

Just standing around being kind of a big deal.

My second leg (5 miles) was around midnight. It was fantastic, which was a huge surprise for me. I didn't feel ready for it. I didn't think my legs would even function after that first experience. But the weather was cool and the course was mostly a gradual downhill slope. It was me, the moon, some old country roads, a few cows and I enjoyed every second of it.

A bunch of the team sporting the required night gear.

My final leg (6.1 miles) was the next day around noon. It was hot. Again. I followed the Rock Creek/Capital Crescent Trail near D.C. I was officially spent. Having a difficult time putting one foot in front of the other. I reached the top of a small hill and look up to see the spires of the D.C. Temple above the trees. I felt rejuvenated, if only for a few minutes. It was incredible. Blah, blah, blah more running and feeling miserable and then... I finished. I was done. It was over for me. I may have shed a tear or two brought on by a complex combination of exhaustion, joy, pain, pride, etc...

Van 2 peeps.

The team met at the finish and waited for the text from Dan, our last runner. He let us know when he was about a mile and a half out, so that we could meet him and cross the finish together. I believe his text said something about his legs being mush and he felt like he was dying. Maybe. I can't remember exactly. He rocked it, like the rockstar he is, and we all ran with him for the last 100 yards or so. And it was done. We had cumulatively run nearly 200 miles on little to no sleep, cramped inside two minivans and all we could talk about at the finish was doing it again next year.

The boys. Staying classy.

This experience was unforgettable and I had some pretty amazing company.

Team We're Kind of a Big Deal sporting our medals, which were kind of a big deal.

BugFest 2010

2010-09-13T17:33:00.003-04:00

Saturday was the annual BugFest at the Raleigh Museum of Natural Sciences.
They provided a wide variety of otherwise tasty eats that were ruined with insects.
This was my nephew, Jonah's plate:

He ate all of it. Ugh.

Lila refused to eat anything with a bug in it. Then she saw these cookies...

She had two. They contained crickets I believe.

Once the food with bugs was consumed, Jonah figured just straight up bugs would be a good idea.

Don't worry, he brought his leftover crickets, meal worms, and centipedes home to have with dinner.

Ben enjoyed the "Buggy Bready Pudding"

The worst part is that the bread pudding would have been delicious were it not for the bugs. It had a mango sauce. Mango. Call me when they have a super tasty food fest...

Hey you, Stand Up

2010-09-09T11:59:00.006-04:00

Do you want to spend a large sum of money tomorrow, but are unsure of what to buy?
Just donate it to a good cause:

Don't have reason? Here's one:

I will be calling tomorrow at 7 p.m. sharp.
I hope I get to talk to Michael C. Hall...

Bulls

2010-09-05T20:09:00.002-04:00

Friday night we went to see the Durham Bulls.

We got the dogs and the nachos and the popcorn and...

the cotton candy.

Things went downhill fast.

Readin' This

2010-08-25T13:01:00.002-04:00

You should too.
Except start with this one.
Then this one.

Duke Monday

2010-08-09T14:30:00.005-04:00

Friday is not a Neuro-Oncology clinic day.
So, that means we were back at Duke today to get Friday's MRI results.

After Lila's second surgery, there has always been a spot, a thing, an unidentifiable blob on her scans. They didn't know if it was something as small as a popped blood vessel, or something as big as tumor that couldn't be resected.
But it was always there.
Never changing.
Just there.

Until today.
Today it was gone.

So, all those times I said she had just a brain in her head, I may or may not have been entirely truthful.
But today, I can say with 100% assurance that she's got nothing but noodle.

Summer 2008

Summer 2009

Summer 2010

Duke Friday

2010-08-07T15:48:00.002-04:00

I mean, if you have to be at the hospital for an MRI, you may as well enjoy it.

Lila + latex gloves + Versed = A good time
(The Dr. came in later and blew some bubbles. Hilarity ensued.)

Bangs

2010-07-26T15:12:00.003-04:00

I have never cut hair before.
Unless you count the time when I cut all the hair off of my Barbie dolls.
And as I recall, they looked pretty good--kind of punk rock chic.
So, I thought I'd give a human a try.
Lila's hair keeps falling into her eyes, so I decided to give her some bangs.
It seemed easy enough to do and I didn't feel like paying someone to cut her hair.
In all honesty, I was terrified that they would get a little scissor happy with her hard-earned locks.

This is the result:

I think they turned out alright.
She was blessed (or cursed) with my super fine hair.

She's a pretty good client.
I mean, she didn't cry or refuse to pay me.

"A Real Parent"

2010-07-23T15:32:00.006-04:00

That's what my friend called me when I told her I was going to Jack's Kindergarten open house last night.
Keep in mind that this friend has 2 little kids and another currently cooking.
I said, Oh, and you're like, a fake mom then?
I mocked her silliness.
I laughed at her.
And then I stopped.

Whaaaaa? I'm like, a real parent now.
I signed up to volunteer at the school:
Class parent, book fair shifts, volunteer for the school walk-a-thon.
I have a PTA membership card.
I'm pretty sure that means I'm a grown-up.
A real one

When did I agree to this?
One might argue it was when I decided Ben wouldn't really cramp my style if we got hitched.
Or perhaps when I thought it would be super fun and cute to be pregnant.
And then again.
Aaaaand then again.

I can't be certain when the exact moment was.
But, I guess it's here.

The boy on his first day of school.

The Tee Shirt Project

2010-07-15T20:11:00.002-04:00

My best pal started this blog, see.
It is awesome.
I believe it is in your best interest to check it out.

"A fashion blog for the rest of us."

So, go already.
The T-Shirt Project

You won't be sorry.

Kudos

2010-06-30T10:22:00.001-04:00

Thanks Ben.

There are no words.

None.

Sew, I Got Bored

2010-06-19T16:12:00.005-04:00

LOST is over.
Eclipse doesn't come out for another 11ish days.
So, I decided I needed a hobby.
I am not a seamstress, but I found these on a friend's blog and decided to give 'em a try.

Me and a couple other ladies worked until 1 a.m. on these and I only got 9 done.
We finished today.

I borrowed my niece's sewing machine.
Yeah, she's 9 and has one and I'm 29 and don't.

The main purpose of these is to keep the kids quiet during church.
They are backed with felt with the idea that they will stick to the church pews.
Let's hope they are successful.
On both counts.

Update:
The letters do not, in fact, stick to the pews.
They do, however, stick to those weird burlap walls in every Mormon church.
So, success.

HP and OCD

2010-06-05T12:48:00.003-04:00

I decided to color code my new bookshelves.

On the other side of the fireplace are narrower shelves. I decided not to color code these, but to display my (Twilight series and) foreign and domestic Harry Potter collections.

Foreign

UK versions my dad got from London

Domestic

The owl is from Pottery Barn and a Christmas gift from Kimmy.
The beakers I got on clearance at Anthropologie.
And I use them for Snape's Potions class of course.

You All Everybody

2010-05-26T17:25:00.004-04:00

A little irreverent. A little more awesome.

Finale = Incredible
LOST = Epic

Cinco

2010-05-24T16:37:00.005-04:00

This kid turned 5 on Friday.
That's a whole hand.
He starts kindergarten in July.
He gets to go the same elementary school as his dad.
He's happy about that.
He's a talented golfer, painter and wii player.
He's a spectacular big brother.
Love you pal.
Happy (belated) birthday.

Change or What I Did on My Vacation

2010-05-17T21:37:00.004-04:00

If you recall, It used to look like this

And Now for the Main Event

2010-05-13T20:54:00.006-04:00

May 1st.
Austin, TX.
A 5k benefitting a great cause and in honor of a little lady that I have a fondness for.

It was incredible.
We had a wonderful time and I could not have been more pleased with the way things turned out.
Thank you to everyone who came. Some travelled great distances to be there and it made my heart happy.
Thank you Jessica. Words cannot express what this meant to me and my family. You are the best of the best.

Vacay

2010-05-06T12:01:00.002-04:00

So, I am going to post all sorts of info about the awesomeness that was the
5KforLilaJ.
For now though, I am on vacation.
Sort of...

Ode to Polyester or Blessing Days

2010-04-12T09:07:00.003-04:00

"src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_hoieQ8cBuss/S8Mb7BMBWTI/AAAAAAAAAeI/UlOBdvRHsLg/s320/n624190143_219450_4439.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459237874048260402" />
Doesn't he look dapper? Particularly with no pants. Ben was blessed in this same onesie, a precursor to the tuxedo t-shirt.

Lila in my blessing dress. Lacy, but not too ruffly. I wasn't keen on frills, even then.

Alice in same dress. It almost didn't happen because we couldn't find it. I was almost devastated.

Hurray for clothes that will never ever die... ever.

I've Been Saying It For Years

2010-04-07T13:18:00.003-04:00

Research shows that kids are cooler if they start drinking soda sooner.
I love science.
"... a lifetime of guaranteed happiness."
Indeed.

Some Things

2010-03-31T16:35:00.005-04:00

Today Lila and I went to the ABC station to do a spot on the local news for the Angels Among Us 5K next month. Us, the chairperson for the event, and Dr. Gururangan were interviewed. To be fair they didn't really interview Lila, but if they had, they would have gotten: "more popcorn" and "amazing!". Perhaps they should have...
It would have been awesome had my car not been towed when I left the station. I parked in the library lot right next door and apparently they combed the place and saw that I wasn't actually in the library thus deciding the perfect revenge would be to leave me stranded in Durham with no car and a hungry toddler--well played library.

In other news, I really like this face:

And there will soon be changes coming to this:

May 1, 2010

2010-03-18T12:40:00.007-04:00

Probably everyone who reads this here blog has already seen/heard/read about this all over facebook. Sorry.

I can't wait. My incredible pal, Jessica put this 5K together. Jess, people I know, and even some people I don't know are putting in major hours to get sponsors and make money for the Pediatric Brain Tumor Foundation.

If you don't know about it yet, go to 5kforlilaj.com

Last Week: Post Edit

2010-03-01T13:41:00.003-05:00

Sunday night Lila was miserable and Alice starting coughing like crazy...

Monday: Dr. appt. with Alice and Lila. Alice=post nasal drip; Lila=cold and double ear infections. Super.

Tuesday: The vomit begins. Alice can't keep anything down. Delightful. Lila is improving with antibiotic.

Wednesday: Call to Dr. office. Nurse says to buy a humidifier and saline drops. reduce Alice's feeds. Spend the day sucking snot out of Alice's nose. More barf. Lila is better.

Thursday: More barf.

Friday: Back to Dr. Alice has RSV. She has lost weight. Dr. says to sleep Alice upright, in her bouncy chair or car seat. Continue with snot sucker. Give rice cereal in formula--Hey Doc, did you know rice cereal clogs bottles? FYI. More barf. Back to Dr. on Tuesday to see how she's doing.

Saturday: More barf.

Sunday: No barf. Perhaps things are starting to look up...

FYI-Things are not looking up... Lila has the chicken pox. Who gets chicken pox anymore, you ask? The answer is no one. We can give a big thanks to cancer for not letting Lila get immunized like normal kids. She is literally like a week away from starting her immunizations. Splendid. Oh, and her ear infections did not go away. Starting a new antibiotic today.

Happy Birthday

2010-02-06T21:28:00.004-05:00

Alice Claire Howington
born at 10:45 (ish) am
8 lbs. 8 oz.
21 1/2 inches

See how excited her siblings are to meet her?

I said I didn't want her and Lila to share a birthday because, c'mon, how lame is that?
I didn't exactly want it to be the day before either, but I guess I wasn't specific enough.

Dangers of Sledding

2010-01-31T15:09:00.001-05:00

Transplantversary

2010-01-23T15:30:00.006-05:00

Transplant Day: January 23, 2009

I'm certain you can just stick "versary" on the end of any word and it not only becomes a word, but also a reason to celebrate (except for maybe like "decapitationversary". Don't do that).

Today is one year since Lila's Stem Cell Transplant. Those were some rough days, but I do miss that she was actually willing to cuddle with me back then. She's way too busy for that now.

A rough day

I'm happy to report that she is doing just fine thank you very much. She enjoys having me read books to her repeatedly, twirling, watching Olivia, playing/fighting with her brother, drawing pictures, playing hide-and-go-seek (she prefers to seek), and making faces in the mirror.

Why, yes that is a Twilight Saga: New Moon crown from BK. Thanks for asking. She loved it. She wore it every day for like a week. Smart girl.

Goings on

2010-01-08T18:58:00.002-05:00

(Note: Not our cat. Although, if it were, his name would be Mr. Meowington Howington)

Lila had another MRI that showed us there is only brain in her head. Although I hate doing them, it's an excellent reminder that I should never get too complacent. It's a miracle.

I just learned that I need to register Jack for kindergarten in about a month. What? He's going to kindergarten. Insane. I still remember him being 18 months old and saying "Dammit" for the first time. To the rescue came his good pal and mine, James, who taught him to say "Oh, Raspberries!" instead. Now he's off to school to learn a slew of bad words...

There are approximately three people in this world that I completely and utterly despise. I'm not a good person, nor have I ever really claimed to be, but I have never hated with quite this much passion before. I'm in the market for suggestions on how to deal with that.

I am having a baby. Soon. Most days I am more than ready. Some days I am terrified. Ben and I are nervous about being outnumbered. But we also know that few children could be harder than our last one. So bring it, baby.

Christmas '09er

2009-12-26T16:04:00.003-05:00

In what seems to be turning into a Howington family tradition, I was up at 7 a.m. ready to party. I was alone. Ben wasn't even interested in getting up. Why do they pick the one day of the year when it's totally justified to be up at the butt crack of dawn to sleep in?
I took it upon myself to make some muffins (hold your applause, it was a Betty Crocker box) to kill some time. When the muffins were done and still no peep from upstairs, I went into the kids room and stared at Lila until she woke up.
Yeah, it may have freaked her out a bit, but I was tired of waiting.
"Oh, super, you're awake. Let's open some presents"

He seemed happy with his lot

The girl likes clothes

After our Christmas at home, we took the party over to Grandma's and there was more fun to be had and more presents to open.

New shades

Haircut or no? I'm undecided

It was a Merry Christmas indeed. Next year, we will be outnumbered...

December 4th: An Anniversary

2009-12-02T21:18:00.018-05:00

Friday marks one year of remission for Lila.
Because of this and the fact that it's Christmastime, I decided to make a photo book for Lila's Oncologist, Dr. Gururangan and her Nurse Practitioner, Melody. It is Lila's journey in pictures, if you will. One for every month she has been a patient at Duke. The books turned out great. These are the photos I used:

May 30, 2008-1st brain surgery

June 2008 (photo by Patrick Stevenson)

July 2008

August 2008

September 9, 2008-2nd brain surgery

October 31, 2008

November 2008

December 4, 2008-Remission

January 23, 2009-Transplant Day

February 6, 2009-1 Year B-Day Bash (a day early)

March 2009

April 25, 2009-Angels Among Us 5K-youngest survivor in attendance

May 2, 2009-Rainbow of Heroes Walk (PBMT Program Fundraiser)

June 2009

July 4, 2009

August 2009

September 2009

October 31, 2009

November 2, 2009-port removal surgery

A year (and a half) to be thankful for.

Angel

2009-10-31T12:43:00.007-04:00

Rosanna Porter is a good friend of my parents and she is also the author of a series of children's books. They are about a little mouse named Tofu Ling. She has had two Tofu Ling books published already. So, when she asked me if she could use Lila as a sort of muse, if you will, for her latest installment, I said sure. Lila has now been immortalized as an adorable white mouse in Rosanna's latest book, Tofu Ling and the Angel.

The book is extra awesome because it is dedicated to Lila and two other kids who have fought with a life threatening illness and won. Big time. Some of the proceeds from the sale of this book are going to charities that the three families have chosen. Our charity is The Preston Robert Tisch Brain Tumor Center at Duke for obvious reasons I would think, but if you still need one, it's because they saved my kids life. In a nutshell.

Added bonus: Lila is a finger puppet. Eeeeeek. How freaking cute is that?

So, I think you should buy it. So, do it already.

Port

2009-10-21T22:05:00.004-04:00

She looks happy right?

That's because she's getting her port taken out on November 2nd. The port was surgically implanted into a vein in her chest to administer medications, chemo, and also so they could take blood to run labs.

Guess what, chumps? She doesn't need it anymore.

Something to smile about indeed.

And yeah, that's a bow in her hair. Enough hair for a bow. Joy.

So Long Summer

2009-09-15T16:13:00.003-04:00

It's been fun

but I am ready to move on.

Bring on the State Fair, Halloween, and a holiday dedicated entirely to eating.

This time last year we missed the fair because Lila was either in the hospital or too sick to leave the house.
Not this year, suckers.
We are definitely going and she may well vomit, but not from chemo.
From eating her weight in cotton candy and those big freakin' turkey legs--count on it.
I love Fall.

Remembering

2009-09-11T11:16:00.005-04:00

I went to NYC at the end of December 2001.
My friend and I waited in a 3 hour line to stand on a wooden platform and look down at the devastation.
By then it looked just like any other giant construction site, but it was so much more than that.
On the evening news, they announced that 3 more bodies had been found in the rubble that same day.
I cried that night. I felt that I had made a mockery of people's grief by standing in a line to look at death and destruction.
I don't feel guilty now. It's all about intent.
I was paying my respect in the only way I knew how. I feel confident that the millions of people who have looked down on it since were doing the exact same thing.
Having lived in NYC since 9/11 I know that life goes on for everyone. But, I also know that even though people are going about their lives as usual, they are remembering. In their own way. And that's all we can do.

Results

2009-09-04T17:18:00.002-04:00

Lila's MRI
Brain and only brain

Jack's pre-school
Loves it

Baby gender
Girlie girl

It's been a good week.

Next Week

2009-08-25T14:44:00.004-04:00

Lila's MRI
ugh.

Jack starts pre-school
yay!

Baby's gender identified
yay!

30 and 6

2009-08-22T20:11:00.005-04:00

Happy Birthday Ben
You are one year older and about twenty years wiser.
This has nothing to do with age and everything to do with life.

Happy Anniversary Ben (tomorrow)
I wouldn't want to take this journey with anyone else.
I love you.

The Classics

2009-08-17T16:55:00.003-04:00

I often think about how awesome the cartoons of my childhood were compared to all this "It's preschool on TV" nonsense that they have now. Don't get me wrong, as a parent I love that cartoons are actually teaching my kids Spanish, how to play nicely with others, etc... but these kids really have no idea what they are missing by never having seen Thunder-Thunder-Thundercats or He-Man or Grape Ape just to name a few.
I went to Costco a while back and found one of my all time favorite movies as a kid. I needed to buy it, not for myself (c'mon guys...) but for my kids to get a taste of some seriously awesome cartoon cinema before all this Pixar computer animation business.
Well, a few months of casually giving the option among Kung Fu Panda and Horton Hears a Who, Jack finally decided that he wanted to watch...wait for it...waaaiiiitttt...The Brave Little Toaster! Yeah, that's right, a classic tale of adventure and the bravery of common household appliances. The verdict is, he loves it. He has watched it everyday for the last week it seems.
I, on the other hand, have realized just how terrifying this movie really is. I mean, there is a dream sequence with an evil clown with fire blowing hands and yellow, nasty teeth that will keep you up at night for reals. Luckily, Jack doesn't seem to mind just as I, as a kid, apparently didn't mind either.
So, here's to the classics. Hopefully I can find some Thundercats on DVD next time I hit up Costco for my gallon jug of soy sauce and 30 count package of multi-colored Sharpies.

Things I did in NY

2009-08-04T15:58:00.002-04:00

In no particular order:
-Listened to This American Life
-Colored
-Watched So I Married an Axe Murderer on VHS
-Ate Coco Roco
-Walked in the rain
-Found at least 7 public places in Manhattan to pee
-Ate chocolate bread pudding from The Dessert Truck
-Watched Clue
-Went to the MoMA
-Shared a sno-cone
-Spent all afternoon at Prospect Park
-Ate delicious vegetables from Valerie's garden
-Spent too much money at Brooklyn Industries
-Played with cute kids that weren't mine
-Ate goat's milk ice cream
-Went on a subway ride to nowhere

Things I Didn't Do:
-Pay for transportation to and from the airport
-Feel guilty for abandoning Ben with our two small children
-Eat enough

NY, NY

2009-07-21T13:02:00.004-04:00

Thursday I go here

alone.

To see these people

and a few other awesome folks.

There will be food and sleep and more food and a little adventure mixed in.

I'm excited.

Did I mention I'm going alone?

So, let me ask you...

2009-07-02T21:27:00.006-04:00

When you are by yourself thinking about stuff, do you ever suddenly say something out loud? Like, merely thinking it just isn't enough? Like, it's gonna have so much more impact on the universe or whatever if you say it out loud? I had one of those tonight. I was thinking and then I was talking. Sadly, it wasn't even significant. This post would have so much more impact if I had said something profound, but you and I both know that's rare.
I digress...

Kai, Bella, and Jack. Is it just me, or does it look like they are hiding something?

I just got back from Texas. Damn it's hot there. Like, cook dinner on your driveway hot. My cousin got married, which was part of the reason I went down there. He decided to get married outside at 4:30pm in San Antonio. That's prime cooking time, people. Luckily, two things happened that made it ok: One; he and the rest of the wedding party (sans the bride) walked down the aisle to Ozzy Osbourne's "Crazy Train". Two; the ceremony was maybe 10 minutes long.

We rented a house for the stay in San Antonio because there were 12 of us and it seemed better than getting a half dozen hotel rooms. The first night we were there, my sister walked out the back door, and dangling on the hinge was a snake. She, of course, freaked out. My dad, who was already out there, came to the rescue with an old, dull, rusted hack saw and decided to cut off the snakes head. 5 minutes later, the snake was dead and the head was still partially attached. He would have had better luck with a butter knife.

It was a good trip. I got to hang out with my family and see some good friends that I haven't seen in a long time. I don't recommend traveling alone with two small children, but if it needs to be done, I have found it is not impossible.

Shamu or his offspring. I dunno--Lila kept calling him "Mu", so It's Shamu.

Lila and Jakob or "Cob" hangin' out at Sea World. It was 108 that day. 1-0-freaking-8.

Lila at the wedding.

Flower Girls: Bella and Kai

Going to Grandma's

2009-06-18T09:59:00.003-04:00

Me and my sister used to have something similar to this adorable suitcase. I wish it didn't get sold in one of the many garage sales we had growing up. My mom sold some awesome treasures including my brother's entire Star Wars figurine collection and my almost equally awesome Care Bear figurine collection (Cloud Car included--ugh, I hate thinking about it).
Anyway, we are off to my Mom and Dad's for a couple of weeks. Jack could not be more excited. Lila seems indifferent.
I'm sure I'll have some stories to share.

MRI

2009-06-05T15:40:00.001-04:00

Lila continues to amaze us with her ability to not grow anything else in her head. Her brain bag contained only a brain. Huzzah.

Ugh

2009-06-01T18:15:00.002-04:00

MRI tomorrow. I hate them. I suppose I better get used to it.

Wednesday

2009-05-27T08:58:00.005-04:00

I have never written this down before, so I thought I'd do it here.

It was early evening when we took her to the ER. I was freaking out because she wasn't looking at me. She wouldn't follow her favorite toy that I was dangling in front of her face. She wouldn't grab at it. She always tried to grab it. She had been sick for a few days and the pediatrician said it was probably a bug. That's what we figured. But Wednesday was different and we felt like she needed to be seen again.

The nurse came in and asked for symptoms...again. These were different from the ones we gave the pediatrician two days before: bulging eyes, won't focus, acts like she can't see us or anything we put in front of her. They decided she needed a CAT Scan because they thought it could be hydrocephalus. Soon after, they wheeled us down to X-ray, swaddled her in a lead sheet and took a picture of her brain-little did I know it would be the first of many.

Back in the room, the nurses and Doctor were in and out checking, writing, tilting their heads and smiling sadly at our lethargic baby. The resident that was assigned our case came in again, but this time she wasn't alone. I noted to myself that she had an attending with her. Years of ER and Grey's Anatomy had taught me that this wasn't a particularly good sign. They told us that they were right about the hydrocephalus, but that wasn't all. There was also a tumor in her brain roughly the size of a golf ball. The attending then said something I will never forget: "There's nothing more we can do for her here".

They called Duke and UNC to take over and Duke called back first. This whole time Lila wasn't screaming or crying or freaking out. I kind-of wish she were. She laid there just staring and every once in a while she would let out a little whimper. When the Life Flight crew from Duke showed up, it took me off guard a bit. Again, my only understanding of this was from T.V. and when they used Life Flight it was serious. Critical.

They carefully packed up my child into a car seat and strapped it to a stretcher. It was decided that I go with Lila and Ben would go with his parents and meet us at Duke. The Life Flight was an ambulance and I sat up front with the driver. I remember the guy being very nice, trying his best to make small talk-probably in hopes that I wouldn't lose it while he was driving.

When we got to Duke, she went straight to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit and we went straight to the waiting room until they told us we could go see her. When they finally did let us back into the PICU, Ben and I were met by a team of doctors and nurses. I remember exactly how I felt when we went into the room--I can't describe it, but I certainly remember it. I do remember the way that they looked at us. They knew so much more than we did and they knew that they knew so much more than we did. I had never felt quite so insignificant in my life. They put an EVD (external ventricular drain) into her severely swollen 4th ventricle to drain out the extra CSF (cerebrospinal fluid) that was causing the hydrocephalus that was caused by the tumor. Although they said she could breathe on her own, they sedated her and they needed to intubate. She was "stable" with a heart rate hanging out around 40. I later found out that normal is 80-120 for a child her age. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. So, we sat at her bedside, completely helpless. When we couldn't take anymore of that, we tried to sleep in the tiny waiting room on beds made from chair cushions.

This is what I was doing exactly one year ago. Do you remember what you were doing?

My friend, Valerie asked me some questions about this experience. To read it go here

Cuatro

2009-05-21T15:05:00.003-04:00

Jackson Cy Howington,
You are four--crazy. It's been an adventure learning how to be a mom with you. I guess the first child is always the experimental one. I pray that you don't hold a grudge. You may look like your dad, but I am certain you act like me--not the 4 year old me, but the now me. Which may explain why I think you are brilliant and also why you can make me crazy.

I think you are funny and smart and ridiculously stubborn. You are the best big brother ever. Thank you for being such a rock star this last year. You amazed me with your compassion and bravery. Life is hard to understand sometimes, but you handled it like a pro. Party it up today Buddy!
I love you,
Mom

Memory

2009-05-15T09:41:00.004-04:00

I have, many times over the last year, asked Jack what he remembers about living in NYC. Most of the time he responds with a blank stare or a complete change of subject. I was certain that the memories were quickly fading and he would soon have no recollection of living in the city. I was sad. Really sad.
Yesterday we were reading this

and we got to 'S is for subway'. Jack turns to me and says, "I used to ride the F train. It's orange."

Joy.

Heroes

2009-05-03T17:16:00.006-04:00

This Saturday we went to The Rainbow of Heroes Walk. It's the annual fundraiser for The Pediatric Blood and Marrow Transplant Program at Duke (why can't these things have shorter names?). They had tons of fun things to do for the kiddies: bouncy houses (James, you missed out), face painting, snow cones, putt putt golf, and a bunch of free crap from the National Guard...I have no idea why.

Our Day:

The cake honoring all the transplanted kids in 2009

It was a walk and she didn't walk at all. Ugh.

Us

Jack was a fan of all the sports games

He's got some skills

Having fun

Too much fun (my mom came. hurray for moms)

We had a blast and it was so great to see all the nurses and doctors and families that we spent soooooo much time with on 5200. It was awesome to see those kids walking outside and not up and down that single hallway.
Sadly, I talked to the Grandma of Lucy, one of Lila's neighbors on 5200. She told us that Lucy passed away on Easter Sunday. The transplant didn't take and her cancer came back. She was beautiful and brave and only 2 years old. I was devastated to hear about Lucy, but her Grandma told me that although she has hard days, she knows Lucy isn't suffering anymore and that makes her happy. I admire her perspective and her wisdom. Lucy and her Grandma are definitely two of my heroes.

Joggin for Noggins*

2009-04-26T20:48:00.005-04:00

Saturday was the Angels Among Us 5K. It's the annual fundraiser for the Preston Robert Tisch Brain Tumor Center at Duke--got all that? The whole Howington clan and a few friends, namely my awesome friend Jessica (who came all the way from Austin) joined us bright and early for the big event. We had a small number and no team shirt with a clever pun about brains, so needless to say Lila's Team was a little disorganized this year. We plan to change that next year. I wanted to thank everyone who donated to the brain tumor center on behalf of Lila's Team. I can assure you the money will go to an excellent cause.
An excellent cause:

Lila is fashionably sporting the "survivor bandana". The bandana worn by brain tumor survivors. Pretty self explanatory I suppose.

Lila was the youngest survivor there.

This is Dr. Gururangan, Lila's Oncologist. He's incredible.

*Joggin for Your Noggin will be the name of the 5K that my aforementioned friend Jessica is organizing in Austin next Spring. Money raised will be donated to The Pediatric Brain Tumor Foundation. Thanks for name idea Andy!

Jealous?

2009-04-20T17:07:00.002-04:00

See this guy?

I will be seeing him on Wednesday from the 3rd row. Yeah, that's what I said, the 3rd row.

If you like American Idol...

2009-04-07T16:14:00.007-04:00

you should watch this show.

He's a pal and it's pretty funny stuff.
There is some hilarious writing by this guy

Do it.

And the Results...

2009-03-28T09:09:00.005-04:00

They looked at Lila's brain yesterday and they found this:

and maybe these guys:

and probably these too:

Still in remission! Her Dr. called me, seriously, less than an hour after the MRI was done. That's what I call service--Thanks Dr. G!

Hair

2009-03-26T20:16:00.003-04:00

The boy needed a haircut. Bad. So, we did it and now I think he looks like he's about to graduate from high school.

Requests have been pouring in for a picture of the girl with hair on her head. The darkness is not a shadow above her head, but about an eighth of an inch (that's probably generous) of lovely blackish locks. I really don't think I need to mention the eyebrows as I am sure they are the first thing you noticed. Thanks, Ben.

In other news, Ben is out of town this week. Jack is going, going, going non-stop all day long. Lila has a post-transplant MRI tomorrow. I am barely alive. I have an entire weekend to wait for the results of aforementioned brain scan. Awesome.

p.s. please pray for an MRI with only a brain in it. thanks.

Dear Tom Hanks,

2009-03-18T12:30:00.006-04:00

I'm over you. After years and years of loyal, some might say too loyal, fan-hood, I am pretty much done. FYI, this is not just about the whole "Mormons are un-American" business or the fact that you think it's perfectly fine to produce a show that (despite repeated requests to the contrary) shows a sacred religious ceremony on cable television. Those are proabably good enough reasons, but they are not the only ones.
We all know any famous person who constantly uses their celebrity for political purposes eventually becomes super weird and/or super duper annoying (i.e. Sally Field, Oprah, The Dixie Chicks). I think you have finally reached the point where you think you are something bigger than just a movie star. Tom, you are just a movie star. As my grandpa would say, "You're gettin' too big for your britches". I am pretty sure people aren't going to change their fundamental beliefs because of something you said, but I am also pretty sure you think they would. The funny thing is Tom, you and I agree on a lot of things. I just think you are soooooooo obnoxious about it.
I am sad that it had to come to this. I still think you got robbed for not winning the Oscar for Cast Away and Bosom Buddies is a classic.

Sincerely,
A Disillusioned Fan

Back in the O-O-OR

2009-03-17T21:46:00.003-04:00

Lila is having some updates. She had surgery to get a g-tube put in and her central line removed. Here's a explanation in pictures for your viewing pleasure and Lila's eventual embarrassment:

See that ugly thing coming out of her nose?

It is now replaced with this.
(There is a lot of extra tape and stuff on her right now. The g-tube is just that little, rectangular, white piece with the tube attached. It goes directly into her tummy).

She also got this removed.

I no longer have to worry about blood squirting all over my house. FYI: It never happened. If you recall, I just feared it might. She is a bit unhappy to be back in her old stomping grounds on 5200 and I can't blame her really. I imagine getting stabbed in your gut doesn't feel awesome. It will, however, be soooooo much better and easier to deal with in the long run. We should be going home tomorrow or Thursday. Let's hope for tomorrow.

Sickness and Complaining

2009-03-04T20:31:00.006-05:00

We've all been sick. Everyone. Luckily it's not cancer this time, but merely a cold. Jack started it and where he got it, I can't say for certain. He was sniffling and coughing for a day or two and then thought it would be super funny to put Lila's pacifier in his mouth, then give it back to her. I was apparently not quick enough to stop that minor catastrophe. The very next day, Lila had a runny nose, which I kinda expected. I did not, however, expect the 101.5 fever that she had when she woke up from her afternoon nap. Anything over 100.4 and I have to call the hospital.
A very short time later, Lila and I are at the clinic getting her an antibiotic and some tylenol. Besides being pink cheeked and having a hot little bald head, she seemed fine. They didn't end up admitting us, much to my surprise and enjoyment though we did have to go back to clinic on Saturday for more drugs. Luckily, she's fine. No major setbacks from the shared binky fiasco.
That night at about 1:00 am, Jack comes in saying that his tummy hurts, so Ben lets him climb in bed with us for a little while. A short time later, we wake to the unmistakable sound of Jack throwing up all over our bed, the floor, Ben, and himself. Just like the old barf pros that we are, we split up to do all the necessary procedures: strip the bed, wash the sheets, bathe the child, clean the carpets, etc...Still not sure what the vomit was all about, as it is not generally a cold symptom.
Ben and I of course got sick the next day at the exact same moment and have felt pretty crappy ever since. Ben also just got over feeling yucky from his surgery (which did also involve some puke). We have doped up on nighttime Tylenol Cold and when we ran out of that, Nyquil. Basically anything that will knock us out at night. Look, I try really hard not to complain (all the time), but for the love can we catch a freaking break here?! I would like my child to be able to grow a new immune system without having to fight a cold that will probably take her weeks to get over seeing as how she is lacking the aforementioned immune system. I wash my hands so much that my skin is cracking and I am probably giving my son a complex about whether his hands are clean enough. There is something really cute and also really sad about a three year old saying, "I'll go wash my hands so I can play with Yaya". I just want to be able to take my kid somewhere other than the hospital and to do that I need her to be healthy long enough for her body to heal itself.
So, I think we are getting better. Slowly. Did I mention that I am going to Florida to run a half marathon this weekend? What's that? You want to know how I am going to do that when I have been sick and have had no time to train because I have lived at the hospital for a month? Yeah, I dunno either.

Home

2009-02-24T21:47:00.004-05:00

After a week in an old, small apartment with beds that resembled cardboard on concrete, we are home. We are pleased. Jack is happy to have his whole family in the same place at the same time. Really, I think he is just happy to have more people to beat at Wii bowling (beating his Poppa was getting old). My parents left today after two months of living in my house and taking care of Jack. They will be missed as I relearn how to take care of two kids at the same time. Seriously, I haven't a clue what we would have done without them--Thanks Mom and Dad!
I have to take Lila to clinic twice a week which is pretty much what I have been doing for the last 8-9 months, so I can deal with that. On her Monday visit, she got permission to go to grandma's house and be in groups of up to 10 healthy people. No sickos allowed. She is also probably going to get the central line removed next week, so that means I don't need to worry about the possibility of cleaning blood spatter off my carpets--hip, hip...

apparently, i am not interesting enough to talk to

So, Ben has had 2 surgeries on the middle finger of his right hand. The second one was today because two of the pins popped out from the first surgery. We have learned that this is an important finger and not just for road rage. He has been told to use that hand as little as possible, which should be interesting because he has to use a computer all day long and he has two small children who like to be held by their dad. Good luck with that, Ben.

about to go to surgery or to serve school lunches...

So, we're here. We're alive. I am waiting patiently for those people to knock on my door with a check for 100 million dollars--and balloons, don't forget the balloons...

Moving Day

2009-02-13T21:18:00.004-05:00

Thursday was the big day. I spent the morning running around getting prescriptions and making trips to the car with all of the stuff we have accumulated over the past four weeks. I had to be trained on Lila's feeding pump (as of right now she is getting 40mL per hour continuously pumped into her 24 hrs. a day) and the nurses had to make sure I knew how to draw her labs every morning, flush out her lines, and change the caps and dressing on her central line. I have done each of these things one time with a nurse present, so when they asked me if I was confident with the procedures, I of course said "sure. no problem." Just between you and me, I am totally nervous about it. If I change her cap and forget to clamp the line, do you know what will happen? Yes, that's right, blood will shoot out everywhere because her central line is a direct line into a vein in her chest. Aaaaahhh, this is going to be fun.
Finally, after many papers were signed, we were ready to make the big 5 minute trip to our apartment in Durham. The Doc says we will probably only have to stay for one week instead of two because, well, you know--Lila is awesome. So here it is, the much anticipated parade:

She was a little bit terrified of the parade because it really is just people yelling and throwing things at her.

Today was her first clinic appointment and everything looks great. She doesn't have to wear the big, hideous, green mask that she has on in the pictures. Mostly because they cover her entire face, eyes included-she wasn't keen on that. They said she was fine just to wear those cute little Mickey Mouse paper masks that she wore in the hospital. The clinic Dr. was amazed that she was only on 3 medications and a multi-vitamin. Most kids leave with a grocery sac of meds. All of her blood counts are good and she's so happy to be free from all the wires (well, all but one--stupid pump). She spent all day rolling around on the floor. Not really my idea of a good time, but she was more than content.
Oh and also, she says bear--her first official word.

The bear. Yes, it's just a head.

A note I found

2009-02-11T10:13:00.004-05:00

deaR hoSpitAl peOPle,
Im OUTTa hEre.
sEe yOU PuNkS LATer.
lOVeS,
LilA

We're leaving tomorrow around noon.
Catch you on the flip side.
I'm out.